Love and Marriage in Transition

In ancient Korea girls and women were kept inside the house away from all contact with males other than family members, and even that was often minimal.  Marriages were arranged by families and matchmakers.  They were essentially political unions to promote the economic and social status of the families involved.  The bride was no more than a pawn on a chess board.  She typically  did not even see her husband until after the ceremony when they were expected to consummate the marriage, often with family waiting patiently outside their room for proof.

I attended a traditional Korean marriage ceremony when I was in the Peace Corps in the 1970s.  In that particular case the marriage had been arranged, but I believe the couple had met once prior to the ceremony.  The day was full of rituals including a number of large meals at both the bride and the grooms respective homes.  The ceremony itself was quite traditional, complete with symbols such as rice, chicken, dried fish, and wooden ducks.  The ducks are a gift from the grooms best friend symbolizing fidelity.  The bride was brought out by male family members to be presented to the groom.  Throughout the ceremony her face was covered by extensions of her sleeves, held high to cover her face.  At the end of the ceremony she lowered her arms and the bride and groom shared a toast.
After the ceremony and a third feast, the bride and groom retired to a room in the house while the wedding party Waited.

Around the same time I met a young woman who came to me to learn English before traveling to the United States to join her husband.  This young woman was a dancer who had been part of the national ballet.  Her family was progressive enough to allow her some choice in marriage partners, but was quite insistent that she marry, despite the fact that she was quite happy with her life as it was.  Her family arranged a number of meetings with potential mates.  She refused them all.  The pressure  mounted and she finally agreed to marry a young man who was home from studying in the United  States.  He was quite possibly under equal pressure to marry.  My friend compared her honeymoon to typhoid fever as the two worst events of her life.  After her husband returned to the United States she was in no hurry to join him, but finally caved to pressure from her family to learn English in preparation for her upcoming life in America.  I later found her in Colorado and watcher her transition from a frightened immigrant who refused to answer her door to a competent professional with a masters degree from a U.S. university.  The marriage also blossomed after a difficult start.

Marriage practices in Korea continue to evolve.  A popular Korean TV drama follows several young people as they struggle with relationships.  By U.S. standards their struggles are tame, but this is a new playing field for Korean youth.  In the drama, the jilted suitor cozies up to the girl's mother hoping that pressure from mom will work in his favor.  Meanwhile the object of his affection has obviously fallen in love with someone else.  He is also enamored with her, but the two continue to maneuver around each other with smiles and small talk, unable to break the impasse

In real world Korea, despite a loosening up on dating, premarital sex is not acceptable and babies of unwed mothers are abandoned to orphanages.  Single moms are ostracized by society.  A recent article cited the low birth rate in Korea as a major problem related to inability of Korean youth to date or otherwise find a life partner.  The transition in marriage practices, like any major change, is a painful one wrought with issues that must be gradually resolved in keeping with the cultural values of this society within a larger global community.